You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
