I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
