if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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