the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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