home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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