My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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