there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
