What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
