Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
