He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
