bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
