So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
