why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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