dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
