New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
