wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
