it's like heaven, but drunker
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
