Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
