You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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