butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
