Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
