Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
