just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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