hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
