they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
