If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
