I'm so fucking centered right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
