If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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