i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
