I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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