my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
