She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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