if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize