Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize