i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
