I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
