She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
