So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
