If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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