Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
