woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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