dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
