i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
