my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
