matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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