Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize