How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dignity is for republicans.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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