he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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