so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
