do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
