It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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