i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
