We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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