I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
