sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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