Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
