I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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