if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize