This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
