She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
