ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
