just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
