thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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