So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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