I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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