I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
