He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
