Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize