Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
