So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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