Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
