and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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