So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
