mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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