She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
