I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
