Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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