I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
