his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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