woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
