My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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