operation harelip BJ is a go
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
