Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
