You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
