Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
