When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just cropdusted the office
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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