i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
