Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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