you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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