I want you more than these girls want KFC
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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