The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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