Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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