I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
