was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
