Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize