Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
