...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
