just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
