Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
