Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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