That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
