I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
