I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
