i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize