sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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