we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
