Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's paint friendship bongs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
