Your dad touched me again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize